Bob Geldoff is a Fuckwit

Yeah, I had to get onto this at some stage so here we go.
Live 8 was a disaster for one big glaring reason-it made people believe that something has been done to allieviate poverty in Africa. Never mind the fact that the promises made by the G8 fell far short of what real campaigners had been asking for("a disaster for the world's poor" said the World Delelopment Movement, "a sad day for poor people in Africa and all over the world" said Christian Aid) it now turns out that even those promises are not going to be kept. Germany and Italy are pulling out entirely. It turns out that Gordon Brown's figures for debt relief and aid were midleadingly presented as being two separate figures. The '100%' debt relief for 18 countries now has been rubbished, these countries will have three years worth of debt cancelled before they have to start paying again and even this comes at the cost of privatising their entire economies. Surely Geldoff, tireless campaigner for the poor, should be outraged. But he has said nothing other than calling a real campaigner a "disgrace" for criticising the deal. He has walked away from Live 8 looking like a saviour and having given Blair a lot of good publicity and that's enough for him.
Bob Geldoff does not give a shit about the poor. People should learn not to listen to washed up musicians on an ego trip who dress themselves all in white as if waiting for their wings and halo. Fuckwits.

What? No, no really. What?

Evil takes place in the abscence of God. So where the hell is he? Alpha fuckin centauri? Ya get me? Of course its possible that God exists within us all, somewhere in the collective unconscious, as some driving force, will to power or whatever. I don't know. Why are you asking me, eh? Leave me alone...
I want to climb a mountain. A small one. I'm not over-confident. Its just something I'd like to do one day. Well...maybe not actually climb one. I might just...sort of...look at it. I've never actually seen a mountain, apart from on TV. Hills, I've seen. I've seen enough hills. They hold no wonder for me anymore. So, I want to stare at mountains. Become a champion mountain-starer. Make a change from staring into that damn abyss.
Sorry, I'm drunk.

Sniffers, Hippies, Cats and Planets

Ok, I just read that on 24th of Sept during the anti-war rally six biological sniffers in six separate locations in Washington picked up traces of F. Tularensis which was identified by the US government as one of the six biological agents most likely to be used by terrorists. Some biological security officials strongly believe that it was a botched terrorist attack. The government is saying that it was environmental but the fact that six sniffers picked it up indicates otherwise. A former department of Homeland Security geezer reckons that it might have been done to test the system. Big anti war rally on that day. Well, its happened before... they sprayed a biological agent around San Fransisco bay in the sixties, probably to teach those damn hippies a lesson...you see what I'm getting at? Could it be...? I say yes. I wouldn't be surprised if the US government used the day of an anti war rally to test their sniffers. Bare in mind that I'm fairly paranoid right now. I talk to my cat. Seriously. Also, I'm on some interesting medication. But still...
Been staring at Venus again. Nothing happened.
Help me

I am Attacked by my own Shadow

Thinking about writing a space opera type book. Just forgetting about trying to create something with a profound meaning and just entertaining myself. Could my future lie in trashy sci-fi novels with alien women with six breasts and so forth? I think so. I think I'd be good at that shit. I thought about writing from the point of view of a bad person. An anti-hero kind of thing. Christ this is boring isn't it?
Last night I had a dream. Yes another one. I was attacked by a scary dark figure that broke into my room. Scared the living piss out of me, let me tell you. I spend so much time trying to sleep and when I finally do, something like this happens. In dreams, a shadowy figure represents the dark aspects of your personality which exist only at a subconscious level because you're conscious mind cannot accept their existence. Only when they become conscious for what ever reason, do you do bad things and get an asbo. Nietzsche knew about this, Jung went some way towards proving it. In the end, Nietzsche was destroyed by eruptions from the subconscious. He went nuts. Then he died. I believe this dream means that my dark side is trying to destroy me and take over. Perhaps if I give it more leeway, stop trying to be such a nice person, it will leave me alone.
I hope you all die of the bird flu. Malingering bastards that y'are.

Three Dreams

I had this dream about three years ago I think. I woke up to a loud rumbling noise, the house was shaking around me. I went outside, the house was on the side of the west hill in Hastings, which is a long way from where I was living at the time. I went up onto the hill-there were people everywhere looking at the sky. The sky was blood red and all around the horizon were the remnants of mushroom clouds. Probably the most apocalyptic dream I've had. One unusual fact: I now, by co-incidence, live in a house that located in the exact same place as the house in the dream. Odd. Not as odd as the next one though.
I dreamt that me and my friend were sitting at a table outside with a panoramic view of hills and fields. I saw a jumbo jet tumbling through the sky in the distance, end over end as if it had been thrown like a boomerang. When it hit the ground it went up in an enormous explosion, there were no flames, just a truly huge vertical funnel of smoke and dust like nothing I'd seen before. Interesting fact about this dream: a couple of weeks later September 11th happened, and when I saw the towers collapse I immediately recognized the huge funnel of dust from the dream. So that was odd, but this one takes the cake.
I dreamt that I was in my Grandmother's house. We were talking and she suddenly said; "you should come round more often, because I don't have much time left." I was shaken awake at that point by my mother, who then told me that Gran had died in the early hours of the morning.
Stuff like this happens more often than you'd think. Jung called it synchronisity, thought it had something to do with the collective unconscious.

Black Holes and other THINGS

Information cannot be destroyed. This is apparently an immutable law of physics, and I'm interested in the idea...Steven Hawking came up with this equation that perfectly described all the attributes of a black hole, with only one problem: his equation showed that a black hole produces heat. Therefore at some point it would cease to exist entirely, along with all the information it had sucked in...Which defies the law that information cannot be destroyed. Now he reckons that its ok for this information to disappear because it would continue to exist in another universe. So what happens when we die? If any astrophysicists should stumble across this page and have any idea where I am coming from, I'd appreciate a clarification. In language I can understand. Even if that clarification consists of the phrase; "you're an idiot." Lalala.
Gradually, I find myself growing bored with world events. Or just sickened by them, I don't know. I'm tempted to just withdraw into a complete fantasy world. However, considering the state of my mind, it probably wouldn't be a very nice place. I feel that I am misunderstood...but I secretly enjoy this feeling...read a Bush lover's blog the other day, got annoyed, secretly enjoyed getting annoyed etc. Didn't comment. Afraid of confrontation, secretly etc.
etc.

Babylon, Poetry, Aliens again...

Been reading about the US air force academy. Seems that its becoming dominated by fundamentalist christians. Oh yes. You know, the ones who go on about armageddon and shit. In order for a proper armageddon, you see, a 'Babylonish' world government has to be in place, in order for it to be destroyed by God. So, these nuts are trying to build it, or so they claim. Why they would want to build something that God will want to destroy, well, they don't really go into details about that. Oh, and Iraq was the centre of the old Babylonian civilisation that God hated so much. So they think its becoming the centre of the new one. So basically, the fundamentalist christians are trying to really, really piss God off. By building a civilisation that he hates. Apparently then they'll all get into heaven because God, as I think most of us realise, is completely off his rocker. Thing about the US air force is; they're the ones with all the nukes. Isn't that a happy thought.
Apparently Bush is going to use the military to fight the bird flu. He doesn't say who's military, seeing as his lot are busy getting slaughtered in Iraq(or should I say-Babylonia? No.)
Personally, I'd like to leave the planet as soon as possible.
Oh yeah, we're sending a poem into space! For the aliens to read! Isn't that lovely! As you would expect from a poem chosen by the general public, it smells. Here is a quote:

"Look at your face
Which can freeze into horror
Or melt into love
Look at all that life
All that beauty
You're human
They're human
We are human
Lets try to be human
Dance!"

'Dance'? 'Lets try to be human'? Please. Here's my attempt:

We are human so
Send help
My alien friends
Before we blow ourselves
Up
And leave our fucking cows alone
Jive!

Cruel, cruel, cruel

Watching tv. All these reality shows...they miss the point. Dressing differently, eating better, having better sex...the problem people have is not these things, its their lives. Their bland, boring, uninspiring, purposeless, miserable lives. And there is no way out. Apart from going on a TV talent show and humiliating yourself infront of the world, desperate for that incredibly unlikely event; your dreams coming true. I am pissed off. The root of all art and entertainment is cruelty, without it nothing would ever happen. The cruelty of people, the cruelty of nature, the cruely of the universe. Except its not really cruelty where the universe is concerned, its just the way things are. So. Cruelty is good. Horrible but true. The more clearly you see reality, the more terrible it appears. What the hell am I on about...
So, cast adrift in this horrible bastardlyness that is the universe...actually, I'm fine. Its entertaining. No, its agonising. Why? I can barely bring myself to write the word, the source of so much pathetic weakness.......no, I can't. That terrible lacerating torture feeling...you know what I mean? DO YOU???
Bane of my fucking life...
That, and the inability to sleep.
Send help, alert the relevant authorities.

Nietzsche, monsters, armageddon...

I'm reading Beyond Good and Evil, hoping to inspire myself somehow. I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew this time, I'm not getting everything that's for sure. I'll have to read it over and over again. But I am a little bit inspired.
I'm worried about turning into a monster, seeing as I've been grappling with them all my life. Psychological monsters, you understand. I used to be overwhelmed by some very dark thoughts, generally pertaining, in various ways, to the end of the world. I seriously worried about aliens for a while. Funny how a lot of things that used to terrify me now seem strangely appealing. There is an excellent book by Phillip K. Dick called Dr Bloodmoney, set in a post apocalyptic world. Its one of his most optimistic in many ways, I think that its about ordinary people being able to rise to greatness given the opportunity; in this case, a nuclear war. It ends with an image of people beginning to live their lives again, building up a new society, and you want to be a part of it. Or at least I did. Then again, I suppose nuclear armageddon has its bad side too.
"And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."
God I'm depressed.